


Strawberry Gashes

by Amberina



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-27
Updated: 2003-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-23 04:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberina/pseuds/Amberina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dawn, after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strawberry Gashes

**Author's Note:**

> Deals with death, specifically suicide -- with self-injury themes. Please read cautiously.

Dawn can't think anymore. Thoughts are elusive creatures that she just can't pin down. Oh, she tries, how she does try, but they slip by without her consent - no, consent is not the right word. Kit would have known what the right word was. But Kit's gone, and that's why Dawn can't think.

Some things make more sense than they should. Things like Kit so very dead in her basement.

Dawn would blame herself, but that's becoming just something assumed. Something goes wrong? Someone dies? It's Dawn's fault. She doesn't think about it anymore. Not that she can think at all.

Because, you see, she was the one to find Kit, so very dead with strawberry gashes all over all over just like in that song she always listened to.

The day before was like a dream. A ghost, and she can't quite keep ahold of it anymore, but the memory - it lives somewhere in the back of Dawn's head and one day it'll all come together and she'll be able to think clearly. But for now it's like a pale whisper of something that may or may not have happened.

She faintly remembers Kit's fingers inside of her, but that may have been a dream. A dream, it's all a dream, a horrible dream. Dawn thinks perhaps she's asleep.

Yes, that's it. When she wakes up, Kit's skin will be smooth and unmarred by those so strawberry gashes. Gashes, littering her perfect white skin, so pale. Yes, those gashes will be erased, and her eyes will open, and they'll go get high, like they did the day before.

(At least that's what Dawn thinks happened.)

"Kill me faster" echoes through Dawn's head, and she can't quite grasp the scene, but it's Kit's voice and she's frantic. "Kill me faster!"

And Dawn . . . doesn't know what she did. Did she find Kit?

She doesn't remember going home the night before. She doesn't remember coming here. She just remembers Kit, there with strawberry gashes all over.

Dawn turns her over, and her body is cold (she's like ice) against her fingertips, her skin still as soft as it was, but now Dawn has to watch where she touches. She doesn't want to . . . touch her like this.

Dawn lowers her head. She doesn't cry (she's probably in shock, she's decided, because certainly she should be crying) but instead there's a wrenching pain inside her stomach, and it just hurts. so bad. And she wants it to stop.

Dawn remembers. Not everything, mind you, but as her hand grazes over Kit's still chest - she remembers feeling her heart beat, hearing it beat and thinking it was the most amazing thing in the world. And now her heart will never beat again, and that thought should make Dawn sad.

Instead it's fascinating.

Kit - Kit's *body* is fascinating (with strawberry gashes all over all over). Kit's body, it sounds so surreal, the words bouncing around the walls of her mind, never staying still so she can think about what that actually means. Meaning means nothing. No, everything's surreal, almost not real, like a dream (now this is getting a bit redundant) and Dawn remembers the same skin she doesn't want to touch (but does touch because she *has* to) she remembers how that skin felt under her tongue.

She's so pretty, even dead. Almost as pretty as she was while looking up between Dawn's legs. Yeah, Dawn remembers now. Not everything (her mind won't allow to, you see, it's a defense mechanism, because Dawn, oh, she can handle a lot but this is a bit too much). But Dawn remembers the taste of Kit (not like stawberries at all, but Dawn isn't wondering what those strawberry gashes taste like, she's not. she's not.)

And it should have been her. That thought doesn't form, but instead drifts around her brain never quite entering her mind and she knows in her soul it's true. Her soul. She'd give up her soul to be there with strawberry gashes all over.

Dawn remembers the day before, with Kit twirling to the music . . . I dreamt of a devil that knew her/pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over, all over . . . and she had been so goddamn alive. And Dawn had been the most dead, even though her heart did beat, and now she thinks she's dead too. Maybe she is. Maybe she's really there with strawberry gashes all over.

She can't remember what it's like to be alive. Kit knew. Dawn had the nerve to be worried, questioning if she's improving and Kit had replied, "Feels fine - it's wonderful, wonderful here," and Dawn had accepted that.

Dawn accepted a lot of things.

But you see none of these thoughts go through Dawn's head, no they just hide in the corner of her mind. Where she keeps all her thoughts she can't handle.

Some things you lose, and some you just give away Kit's voice echoes through her body and Dawn thinks maybe . . . maybe it's.

It's.

And there's strawberry gashes all over, all over. All over. All over.

All over.


End file.
